We Are the Girls Who Show Up

I've been thinking a lot about my last post and I feel that there's more I have to say about it. I encouraged you to join in and become a part of a community. But there's more. I want you to consider the brave yet rewarding concept of being someone who shows up.

I am one of 3 sisters; we lost our parents relatively young. I was 42 when my mom died and 44 when my father died. With our family's loss came a very sudden realization...we had each other (my sisters are my bedrock in so many ways) but we needed more connection and meaningful connection, too. So we discussed this a lot. And at the end of the day, we determined that we would be the girls who show up. We determined that we would say yes to invitations - we would be the ones who would take on the responsibility to care for others during times of celebration but, more importantly, during times of difficulty. Even when it was inconvenient. Even when it tended toward awkward or tough.

When you lose someone, you do really pay attention to who shows up for you. In sad times, people come from unexpected corners of our lives to help us to shoulder grief, loss, and other forms of dismay that life can throw down at our feet. It's not just the loss of loved ones that prompts me to say so, either. When I divorced, I remember feeling such a profound sadness that I didn't know what to do. A woman with whom I was familiar, also a teacher but no one especially close to me, was uncommonly kind and thoughtful. It was as if she knew exactly the words to say and when to say them. She showed up for me. She was never intrusive but would gently ask how I was doing. I never forgot that kindness. I strive to be that for others because it has meant so much to me when others have been that source of comfort and kindness for me.

I alluded to being a caregiver to someone with cancer. My husband, Matt, has been bravely fighting disease for over 6 years. When the time came in June, 2023, for him to decide about a procedure that could reverse his rare form of cancer, I determined that I was going to need a group to help me navigate what was to come. I found a (wonderful!) group to join that is tailored specifically to people like me. It took courage to go there alone but oh! I'm so glad that I did. As I got to know individuals in our weekly "talking group," I realized that Matt has really had a lot of good fortune in his fight. I met people who are living with the most dire circumstances and not everyone has been as supported and as fortunate as my husband and me. Matt's procedure was in late November and at this writing, he's growing stronger every day, with no sign of cancer. It's been an astounding success so far with minimal complications. I wish that I could say the same for all of the wonderful people I've met in my weekly group.

One woman just recently lost her boyfriend and has been reeling from the loss. She will no longer be attending our group but will transition to a weekly grief group. I took the opportunity to exchange numbers with her so that we could stay in touch. I've texted her several times, remembering that feeling of loss and wanting to be a source of comfort and strength for her as she struggles with this loss. I want to be the girl who shows up for her.

Likewise, while Matt was hospitalized, we got acquainted with a couple who are older but who live near us. The woman in that partnership underwent the same treatment on the same day, so we've seen them a couple of times post-procedure for checkups and things. Again, I exchanged numbers with someone I barely am acquainted with to offer support. This woman doesn't appear to be doing as well as Matt is, but we'll show up to support both she and her caregiver husband. It's the right thing to do. So we will.

Let me encourage you to go beyond joining up. Be a person who can break through the barriers of social discomfort and restraint and just show up. I can guarantee that you'll be so glad each and every time you do. It will nourish the spirits of others. It will nourish your spirit, too.